Have you ever made a decision and people around you judged
you? Tried to make you feel bad about what YOU decided to do? Umm yea, me too!
Growing up the baby daughter of a pastor, I often found
myself caring a lot about what people thought of me. I took into consideration
the unspoken opinions of others for years. How I dressed, what I said, how I
reacted to things, filtered my thoughts and ideas and more. I never once did
anything without thinking twice about what people would say.
Can you imagine how that felt? Suppressing feelings and thoughts
all for the sake of upholding this pedestal I
never once asked to be placed on. This trickled down into my relationships with
friends and men. I found myself being overly cautious and sensitive, just to
protect others “perception” of me. I get angry just thinking about it
sometimes.
I believe it is important to be respectful and uphold a
positive reputation; however losing who you really are should not go hand in
hand with that.
Over the years, I have endured extreme growing pains. Pain
that cannot be articulated! I made mistakes, said some things I didn’t mean, entertained
poisonous company and made some decisions that I am not proud of. Do I regret
any of this? NOPE!
I don’t regret one ounce of my journey. I needed to have that
season of “Caring too much about what people say”. I needed the sleepless
nights of persecuting myself over silly mistakes. I don’t regret the way I
began to grow, through pain and tough lessons. I needed to care less about what
others thought and more about what I thought of myself.
- I’m sorry I slighted myself the opportunity to express ideas I had at a young age.
- I’m sorry I never danced at that party because I didn’t want to smudge by “church girl” image.
- I’m sorry I cared too much!
Fast forward to today…
§ I’m not sorry for the woman I have grown to be
§
I’ I'm not sorry for my sassy personality
§
I’m not sorry for changing my hair with the wind, trying new colors
and expressing myself
§
I’m not sorry for growing
§ I’m not sorry for loving and learning
§ I’m not sorry for finally accepting who God made me to be.
A loving, thoughtful, intelligent, wise, fearless queen
that loves God’s people! All of God’s children!
Because of what I went through, I feel as if I have a gift
for not judging! I accept people for where they are in life and love on them
regardless of what “season” they are in. I try my best to be open to allowing
people to feel free around me and not feel the need to filter who they are because
of me!
God is love. God is real. Love is real.
I want to love like God loves! Flaws and all!
Sorry, not Sorry!
Cryslove
XOXO
